Wednesday, June 16, 2010

my reasons for blogging

I decided to start this blog for a few reasons, the primary one being that I have no one in my real life that I can talk to about what is going on in my "reproductive" life right now. My friends are either single or are still very career driven and are not thinking about having children right now. My sister is only 23 and recently skipped work to go to an amusement park with her boyfriend- definitely not on the same wavelength.

And then there is my Mom. My Mom had 4 kids in 5 years- no planning, no problems, just happened. When I tried to talk to her about going off birth control, she told me to relax and it will happen. She told me that a chemical pregnancy was nothing to be upset about and that I shouldn't have been testing so early anyway. And recently, she told me I need to lose 30 pounds and then my cycles will regulate and I will get pregnant. She also told me that she is so glad she never had to worry about these things so much and of course TO RELAX AND IT WILL HAPPEN.

Let's just say my level of frustration with her "support" has been very high. She has also really hurt me, even though I know she has not meant to hurt me at all. We are just different. She got pregnant with me at 25 and quickly got married shortly after turning 26, before I was born. After me, there were 3 more babies in 4 years and then my Dad got a vasectomy.

I put myself through college and law school. My relationship with my husband (then boyfriend and fiance) was put on hold until I graduated college, then law school, and then until after I passed the bar. Now that I have a secure job, with great benefits and leave, I can finally start thinking about starting a family. P is also on the same page, and while he would rather wait until the fall to start trying, he agreed that we should get started after I informed him of my fears regarding my ovulation/menstrual cycles/cysts, etc.

So I started this blog to talk about what I am going through and how it makes me feel without judgement. To avoid being told to relax. To avoid being made to feel that I am irrational for having these feelings even though we "just" started officially this month, and have been "not preventing" since January.

1 comment:

  1. I can relate. I have no friends who are TTC, only friends who had babies by accident, or friends who are nowhere near ready. It's a lonely place. Thank god for the internet!