Saturday, August 28, 2010

it was definitely an evaporation line

4 internet hpts, one clear blue easy digital, and two first response tests later, I have confirmed what I already knew: I have just experienced my first light pink evap line on an internet hpt.

It hurt.

I am sorry for how super negative my last post was. Last night I had a huge melt down. I cried to myself. I cried to my husband. I cried to my mom.

After crying and screaming and stomping and possibly throwing my naive purchase of what to expect out into the road, I got on the treadmill and walked furiously for 30 minutes. It was only 30 minutes and maybe 2 miles, but it made me feel so much better. The aggression and anger had dissipated and I was better able to figure out what was eating me alive: I realized that I have not ovulated in 5 months (possibly longer, but I only know for sure about the last five months).

That means I haven't even gotten the chance to get pregnant. All the charting, and timed sex, and stress has been for nothing and it makes me so angry.

I have not made an appointment with an RE yet, and I am not quite sure why I have not done it. I have had some great recommendations (thank you Lis). I think I am just scared of what they will say and what I will have to do. In my heart I am still harboring a hope that I can magically ovulate and get pregnant without making that step.

So for now, I am trying to reduce my intake of sugar and carbs and adding at least three 30 minute cardio workouts per week. When I figure out how, I am going to include a weight ticker in my sidebar to keep myself accountable.

2 comments:

  1. Oh I'm so very sorry about the evaporation line. That's heartbreaking. You'll know when you're ready to see an RE, but I promise you, you'll get answers when you see one. Hugs to you - this stuff is tough. Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way even when it's early in your process. It's tough, no matter what. Thinking of you.

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  2. Oh I am so sorry to read your post and realise what you have been through. My heart goes out to you. I remember feeling so angry when everything seemed to be going against us getting pregnant, I stupidly went into my RE's appointment thinking she was going to say all was great and in my case getting the news it wasn't was heartbreaking. I hope in your case it's the opposite and that you can be one of those lucky few.. thinking of you xxx

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