Saturday, August 28, 2010

it was definitely an evaporation line

4 internet hpts, one clear blue easy digital, and two first response tests later, I have confirmed what I already knew: I have just experienced my first light pink evap line on an internet hpt.

It hurt.

I am sorry for how super negative my last post was. Last night I had a huge melt down. I cried to myself. I cried to my husband. I cried to my mom.

After crying and screaming and stomping and possibly throwing my naive purchase of what to expect out into the road, I got on the treadmill and walked furiously for 30 minutes. It was only 30 minutes and maybe 2 miles, but it made me feel so much better. The aggression and anger had dissipated and I was better able to figure out what was eating me alive: I realized that I have not ovulated in 5 months (possibly longer, but I only know for sure about the last five months).

That means I haven't even gotten the chance to get pregnant. All the charting, and timed sex, and stress has been for nothing and it makes me so angry.

I have not made an appointment with an RE yet, and I am not quite sure why I have not done it. I have had some great recommendations (thank you Lis). I think I am just scared of what they will say and what I will have to do. In my heart I am still harboring a hope that I can magically ovulate and get pregnant without making that step.

So for now, I am trying to reduce my intake of sugar and carbs and adding at least three 30 minute cardio workouts per week. When I figure out how, I am going to include a weight ticker in my sidebar to keep myself accountable.


  1. Oh I'm so very sorry about the evaporation line. That's heartbreaking. You'll know when you're ready to see an RE, but I promise you, you'll get answers when you see one. Hugs to you - this stuff is tough. Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way even when it's early in your process. It's tough, no matter what. Thinking of you.

  2. Oh I am so sorry to read your post and realise what you have been through. My heart goes out to you. I remember feeling so angry when everything seemed to be going against us getting pregnant, I stupidly went into my RE's appointment thinking she was going to say all was great and in my case getting the news it wasn't was heartbreaking. I hope in your case it's the opposite and that you can be one of those lucky few.. thinking of you xxx