Tuesday, November 30, 2010

negative

Yesterday morning I had blood work done and it is official: I am not pregnant. I called in sick to work and spent the day wallowing and lying low.

About 15 minutes after the doctor's office called, my period started. I think the progesterone had held it at bay since at least Saturday, because I had some very, very light spotting.

I will be catching up with blogs and commenting throughout the week. I hope everyone is doing well.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Just wanted to quickly update: no news. On 12 dpiui (the day before thanksgiving), two different pregnancy tests were negative. I think that means I'm out. P is holding out hope for the blood test on Monday, which is sweet, but it makes me sad. He is hunting until Sunday, and even though I promised not to, I think I might pick up a few more tests for tomorrow morning (15 dpiui). That way I can be more sure of the blood test outcome and can prepare him. I hate that he is going to be disappointed.

I hope everyone is having a good holiday week.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Welcome Nomember ICLW

Hi everyone! My name is Mare and my husband is P. We have been trying to have a baby for a year now and this is my place to deal with the emotional roller coaster that is infertility. This is my second ICLW. I did October ICLW and really enjoyed finding new blogs and leaving and getting support.

Currently, I am in the two week wait after my second IUI/first injectibles cycle. The two week wait started off positively, but since last week, I have been headed downhill emotionally. I do have some symptoms (which I shared below), but for some reason I just don't feel like it worked. P thinks I am pregnant though, which is so sweet, but will make me very sad if my period shows up.

Symptoms: My boobs have been very sore since about last Friday (7 dpiui) and that continued through the weekend. My areolas are puffy and slightly darker. I am exhausted and NEED naps in the afternoon. I have had frequent headaches, which is unusual for me.

These symptoms are not reliable though because I have not ovulated in the past year (PCOS) since I have been off of birth control.... so these very well may be normal for me. I am taking progesterone, so I worry that these symptoms are just a side effect, although I did not have them at all until 7 dpiui... so maybe not (such a mindf*ck). I am trying to hold out on testing until Wednesday (13 dpiui).

Good luck to everyone and thanks for stopping by!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

progesterone suppositories are the new hot accessory for the fall (TMI warning)

The suppositories are either really disgusting or not that bad, and I have not decided which yet. Either way, I was excited to start them on Saturday morning... along the lines of being excited to inject myself.

The fact that I need them, means I ovulated and that something might be going on down there, even as I type. Last Friday, after the IUI, Dr. M said there was no chance that I did not ovulate. He said my blood work was "beautiful." There was one dominant follicle, and a second one that may or may not have released an egg.

One concern I have with the progesterone: it seems like a good bit of it ends up on my liner and I am worried that I am not absorbing enough of it.

Monday, November 15, 2010

updates

Sorry for the delay- lots of family drama going on since last week. A story for another day.

The good news: my cycle did NOT get cancelled and IUI #2 was on Friday! Dr. M told me that my blood work and ultrasounds were great and that he would be very surprised if I did not get pregnant this cycle!

P was not happy that our RE told me that because he is worried about how I will be if this cycle does not work. I am trying very hard to keep things in perspective and not get too excited. This is the first cycle in a year where pregnancy has even been possible and I cannot expect it to happen just because I have been waiting for so long.

. . . . . . . . . .

I can't hide it from you guys: I am so excited and really think this is it! If it isn't, I will deal with it of course, but for now, I am going to enjoy this feeling.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I have been a little distant from blogland over the past few days because my anxiety levels have been running high. I had a monitoring appointment yesterday, and things look good so far, but I have a bunch of follicles around the same size and the RE warned me that if too many mature, then the IUI will be cancelled.

Tomorrow morning I have another monitoring appointment and will post afterwards.

Please don't let this cycle be a bust too... this month marks one year off birth control and one year of anovulation (except for possibly one cycle).

. . . . . . . . . .

I got a letter from my insurance company last week and starting January of 2011, fertility drugs will not be covered if the end result is IUI or IVF.

fml.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Last night's injection did not go nearly as smoothly as the first! I guess the universe got me for being all "what's the big deal." First of all, I nearly forgot to do the injection. Around 9:00 I realized I hadn't taken the pen out of the refrigerator and started freaking out because the night before I took it at 8:30.

After some mad g.oogling, I was satisfied that an hour difference would not make or break my cycle. I let the injection sit out for about 30 minutes to warm up before using it (this time I left it out so I don't have to worry about it being cold). I put my second injection into my thigh, but I think I injected it too far down on my leg and was in mostly muscle, which hurt.

Then, as I was scrambling to put pressure on my leg to keep it from bleeding all over (I am a bleeder folks), I jabbed myself in the finger with the needle. It was not a pretty scene for a few minutes there. Eventually I managed to get the situation under control, but just as I was putting everything away, my cat knocked the sharps container off of the end table and it shattered everywhere. Not a good second injection.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The first injection

was so easy.

The instructions to use the pen were very clear and I did not feel the needle go in, even though I injected myself. There was a little burn after, when I rubbed the injection site with an alcohol pad and applied pressure for a minute, but that was it.

So far, I have not felt any weird side effects. I hope follistim does not make me as crazy as clomid did. On Monday I will find out if/when I start the ganirelix. There is an ovidrel shot for trigger and progesterone suppositories (can't wait) for after the IUI.

Next week, I have Thursday and Friday off from work and it would be pretty awesome if the IUI fell on one of those days. I have no idea how fast the follistim works though, so I might be out of luck.

The best part of injections: the hershey kisses on top of the pile of drugs when you open the box!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

injectibles virgin

Tonight I stab myself for the first time! I am really excited. My first monitoring appointment is on Monday morning. This time, I am letting myself get openly excited and hopeful. The people closest to P and I know what we are beginning and have been a great support so far.

My aunt is a labor and delivery nurse and is going to help me with my first shots tonight. Two of my friends have volunteered to come over and inject me if I needed them to, since P works night shift and won't be home when I need the injections.

In other news, I have started a modified s.lim f.ast "diet." I just could not force myself to count W.eight W.atcher points, so I cancelled my membership. Yesterday morning I started s.lim f.ast and only plan to do it four days of the week. Over the last two weeks I have been eating my feelings, which has left me feeling like shit. Yesterday I really stuck to it and I already feel better today.

In the meantime, I am looking into a PCOS diet (discussed here) to begin next week. I couldn't do it right away because I need to shop for things I can eat while avoiding sugars, anything made out of wheat and oats, and foods that grow underground (goodbye sweet potato, I will miss you)... basically I have to figure out what I CAN eat, because my diet seems to revolve around sugar and carbs.

Monday, November 1, 2010

injectibles consult and news

The consult was fine. It was quick and the nurse did a great job of delivering the instructions clearly. She explained how much the drugs would cost, that my insurance would not cover them, and that the office had some drugs that they could donate to my cause. The nurse told me that she would call the drugs into the pharmacy and that the pharmacy would call for my insurance information. She took some blood and sent us on our way.

I felt relieved after the appointment, but sick to my stomach over the cost of the drugs, even with the help from donated medications.

A few hours later, the pharmacy called for my info. While I was in T.arget with a friend, they called me back to tell me my total: my insurance covered EVERYTHING!!! My copay was $100... that's it. I asked her to repeat it twice because I thought I was hearing her incorrectly, and then when she assured me I was hearing her right, I burst into tears and full on ugly cried in the middle of the makeup aisle at T.arget.

I feel so thankful. I still can't believe this.