Monday, February 28, 2011

update: I am 13 weeks 1 day today. As far as symptoms go, I am still exhausted by five p.m., I have developed frequent headaches over the last two weeks, and have had a very sensitive gag reflex since about 8 weeks. Certain smells and hunger make me very queasy. Beyond that, I have been ok.

. . . . . . . . . .

I think I have lost my ability to blog. That ability was never so hot to begin with, and now, I feel even more awkward about putting my thoughts in this space. I think it is because I feel like an impostor in this pregnancy.

People tell me I am pregnant and ask how I am, and I know I have my second OB appointment tomorrow, but I don't feel it. I don't have much anxiety or fear, just a general feeling of "I'll believe it when I see it." My cousin, who had two miscarriages before she got her take-home baby, thinks that it is my way of protecting myself.

I fear that I am already a bad parent for feeling such distance from my pregnancy. I hope that as things progress and I start to look pregnant, that I will feel more attachment.

4 comments:

  1. Yay for being 13 weeks and 1 day pregnant! I too have had the terrible headaches that seem to be immune to tylenol lately. I would say to try not to put too much pressure on yourself to connect with the pregnancy. It must be hard and I think it will happen when it is supposed to happen.

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  2. Congratulations on 13 weeks!!! I think what you're describing is very normal for pregnancy after infertility. Give yourself a break, my dear. And feel free to continue to share your feelings - we're here for you!!! Hugs!

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  3. Yay on 13 weeks. I'm not as far as you, but I feel very similar. I haven't felt pregnant at all and I feel completely strange being here. Blessed and happy but very, very strange. I think it's normal and the bonding will come in time. It's kind of like having a bit of post traumatic stress. Thinking of you and wishing you the best.

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  4. Such good news that's you've made it to 13 weeks! I think what you're feeling is completely normal given the circumstances. hugs! xx

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